Someone recently got my ire when she remarked that she wouldn't let her husband alone with me for fear of me harassing her lovey dovey. As if? Am I that guy crazy, dick hungry gay or I am just too beautiful and a real threat that I usually receive this kind of remarks/flattery? I remember an incident, which happened recently.

I was at a birthday party of with my gay friends last Saturday. Though this is not an "all gay night out" party, most of the guests were gays with a few straight couples that attended. One of the straight guys was actually a classmate back in high school and we're really surprised seeing each other and that the celebrant was a common friend.  

My gay friends were suspecting at first if ever me and former classmate were an item.  I cannot really blame them coz when my ex-classmate and his wife arrived, he seems to be following me around and even insisted on sitting next to me. His wife chose to hang out with her celebrant cousin and some girl friends.  

My gay friends and I were having a blast with former classmate, who seemed not to run out of embarrassing stories about our adventures and misadventures of our high school days, which most had me as the central and main character. After two hours of drinking, laughing and telling corny jokes, I asked a gay friend to accompany me to the nearest convenience store to buy cigarette. But since most of my gay friends are either too wasted or lazy to even stand up, former classmate volunteered to give me a ride. His wife heard of this at the adjoining table and blurted:  

"Wag na, delikado ka jan."  

It didn't sink in to me at first what she meant but after her husband retorted:  

"Ano ka ba? Barkado ko si Marlon."  

I knew then something's not right. I initially thought that she's talking about the danger of driving under the influence or going to the store in the wee hours had I not heard what the exchange was really all about.  

There was a lull and awkward silence at the place and her supposedly innocent, bitchy wife maliciously joked:  

"Baka anong gawin sa 'yo ng BARKADA mong 'yan? Hahahaha!"  

My gay friends were all looking at me and somehow waiting for my retaliation. They knew that I do not usually take these things sitting down and without a honest-to-goodness, full-pledged gay bitchy answer.  

"Don't worry, darling. He's not my type. Nothing will happen to him, I assure you that. And if ever will... not in this lifetime!"

But I'm not finished yet.  

"But since you had given me an idea, why not? Lamang-tiyan din yan!"

The latter part elicited laughs and hysterics from almost everyone. Even former classmate was laughing his head off. I was about to apologize to his wife and tell her that I don't even meant half of it when I saw her half-smiling, half-smirking face and noticeably dagger looks. She left me no choice but to be a recipient of a "You and your sharp tongue deserved it!" look. I hated her.  

We (me and former classmate) did go to the convenience store, alone. And his wife... well.... she's right all along. I was still fuming mad at his wife when I suddenly realized that I was alone with a really cute guy. All this time I haven't noticed that he'd grown to a definite hunk. I don't know if it’s the alcohol or whatever but SOMETHING did happen inside that car. I would not elaborate any further but if ever his wife would find out, all to say is: Trust your instincts!  

As for me: Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me! Hahaha!