As I was tinkering with my new mobile, I had this sudden urge to check whether all the numbers are still active and are not unattended or ‘cannot be reached’. Why not clean up my contacts’ list to have a fresh start, to go with my new phone. I certainly have loads of anonymous numbers with names like “hu?”, “?” and numbers with guy names which I can’t recall what they look like, where we've met, whether something happened between us and how they ended up in my contacts’ list.

When I’m almost done, deleted like 25% [fictitious/anonymous/hideous] numbers of my contacts, I came across this number. HIS number. I was like looking transfixed at it, memorizing the 11-digit combination in my head [though, I knew his number by heart] before hitting that delete button.

Whom I was kidding? All those years I kept his number and never had I deleted it, hoping against hope that he will call or text. After we've kinda kissed-and-made up this year, we resume our communication.

But I'm currently detaching myself from him right now, and to any guy for that matter. And it’s such a relief that he’s not calling or texting me lately. After I got my line, there’s no way that he can contact me, unless I make the first move and update him.

But I just did, made the initiative. Instead of pressing on the delete button, I scrolled up and pressed the call button. Big mistake!

He’s number is still active. I immediately disconnected my call, but seconds later he’s the one calling me, really calling, not that drop call kind of ring; or just dialing my number for a missed call. I don’t know if I should answer his call or not.

I rejected his call and turned my unit off.

Coward Me!