Papa would have been fifty-five today hadn’t asthma got the better of him. It was the first day of August seven years ago when he joined our dearly departed friends and family and wasn’t able to see the light of his 48th birthday. On a could-have-been special day, we are grieving instead of celebrating the occasion. At the prime of his life, father has left us for good, leaving behind a legacy not of material riches but of intangibles like love, disposition, honor and principles. Our family had to contend ourselves with fond memories of a fatherly love forever.

Things had never been the same since. Though life indeed goes on for us, the recovery and moving on process is sometimes a painful reality of life to deal [and still dealing] with to this day. We’re living a normal [fatherless] lives as much as we can, but at times like these, we can’t help but to imagine what life would have been had things turned out quite differently and Papa is still around.

There’s no one to greet on Father’s Day. No one to rally behind us in our endeavors and to support us in facing the hardships and travails of the life we’re living. No one will defend us against our aggressors and oppressors. No one will ever do those little things only fathers can do, fixing the TV antennae or a leaky faucet, no one to fix the broken chairs and furniture, all those dirty stuff. This list could go on as we lead our lives moving forward. Who would walk my sisters down the aisle when they finally decided to settle down? I guess it would have to be me instead.

I might be wallowing in self-pity and on the fact that I really, had not settle this matter by myself. Maybe. Maybe not. I just missed my father and just wanted this blog to be an outlet of my frustrations and my yearnings of a father’s love.

They say that you only realize the value of someone when they’re gone. I am guilty of this. And if this is a mortal sin, so be it. The world can condemn me for that and I will surely take it all in without retaliation. I am a good-for-nothing son who realized the value of his father only after he’s gone. I deserved all these. I did love him, but time had prevented us to show more love to each another.

To all of you who might be in the same situation, I know you feel the same way, one way or the other. It’s a comfort knowing I’m not the only one.

All to all those who still have their fathers physically, please, please, please. Love your father. He might be the worst father in the world but one thing will certainly not change. He IS your father, the ONLY one you’ll ever have.