Had you ever felt torn between making a choice and not deciding to choose at all?


They say it’s just a matter of going for the one that will make you more comfortable, happier or the one that suits your personality better. I believed that, then. Never had it occurred to me that making a choice would be this difficult.


I lived a pretty normal life, complicated most of the times but I can honestly say that I learned to cope with my life’s complexities just fine. I am living life on the fast lane, pausing just once in a while when things get too tiring or boring. Yes, an adventurous and happy-go-lucky life can be such a bore sometimes. You wouldn’t want it either when things suddenly becomes predictably unpredictable.


But trust life to screw it all for you when you thought you got it all figured out. That things suddenly spring on you out of nowhere you never saw it coming. Before, just thinking of it as a possibility makes you cringe. You convince your already convinced self that it will never happen.


But once it does, you’ll never be the same again. What’s more fucked – up is that you actually liked it. Or loved every moment of it, you never thought that such bliss do exist. The thing you detested most before, is now consuming your entire being.


You asked yourself what went wrong. Or where have you been all those times because you could’ve found out about it early on. You try to analyze your innermost thoughts, feelings and fears – as much as your confused heart and mind can fathom. But expectedly, you fail. Instead of shedding some light to your dilemma, you are left with more questions than answers, more doubts than certainties.


You don’t want to choose either one. You can’t have both either. Having the best of both worlds is just plain selfishness. You know that you can’t go living your life not knowing what you really wanted. What’s more frustrating is that you needed both - you WANTED both. And the only convenient, if not logical, thing you think you should do is this. You say:


“I need not choose, for now.”