Departure Lounge – NAIA November 12, 2005

While waiting for the announcement to board the NWA flight going to Houston, I received an unexpected call from CX. It has been a while since the last time that we’re together so I was really surprised that he bothered to wish me a safe trip in the very early hours of the morning on that day.

Our so-called friendship/relationship hadn’t progressed to anything after I started my stint on my new job and the end of his semestral break. Both of us were seeing other guys and/or absorbed with work and studies that I am considering what we had a by-gone encounter already that time.

The call just made the gray area of the question “Are we or are we not?” more defined. To settle whatever’s going on between us one last time before I leave the country, I blurted in the middle of sweet nothings:

Me: May babalikan pa ba ‘ko?
CX: Ano ka ba? 40 days lang naman. Don’t forget my pasalubong, ha?
ME: No problem. Just be a good boy, ok?
CX: I will. Don’t worry.

I took it as a yes.

Knowing that there’s someone waiting for me to come back made the training more bearable. At times when homesickness is getting the better of me, I will just try as much to call him until my prepaid cards run out of credit.

On my last night in Houston, finished with all the packing and the works, I picked up the phone to make my last international call to CX.

Or should I say, my LAST CALL.

There’s that definite bored tone in his voice. The usually sweet and excited CX I’ve been talking to every night for the last 30 days or so – is gone. I braved the worst.

Me: May boyfriend ka na?

I nonchalantly asked, almost in a matter-of-factly manner. In my head, I had wanted to ask “Have you found someone new?” but decided to act all cool about it.

CX: Oo.

I really hoped he’s only joking then. He didn’t sound dead serious or kidding but I just had to make a fool of myself. In the most pathetic, loser manner I queried:

Me: Ilan?

I shouldn’t have asked, I know. But my mind isn’t working properly, or even working at all, at the time. When he said that there’s only one, my world stopped. Or I wish it had.

There was dead air for like five minutes. I was just lying on my bed staring at the ceiling trying to digest what just happened. I was waiting for him to say something, perhaps sorry or an apology in any form, but he didn’t.

I took his lead, I’m not saying anything either. Even though I was at the very edge of exploding, I decided to just let it not affect me that very moment. I know even a sigh will give all what I’m feeling inside away.

I just wished him a Merry Christmas and a nanosecond after he said the same – I hung up.

The following morning, I left Houston with a broken heart. And to make matters worse, I still need to figure out how to survive what proved to be – the longest flight of my life.