I said that I'll never hook-up with a slut like myself.

But I had given one, lucky slut a chance. I thought he's different, and it turned out that he really is - he's much, much worse.

I'm so fucking fed up with the way things are. Just when you are ready to commit – be faithful, monogamous, trustworthy and honest to the point of making a fool of yourself – you still end up with shit.

They say that all is fair in love and war and I agree. I totally agree that it definitely SUCKS right now being the one single-d out.

I'm soooo in need of a fuck right now... (or another insane, jaded and complicated soul to drink with)

Or both.

I just realized that we only have ten days left here in Houston. I don’t know if the training is not as intensive as I initially thought it would be or I’m just not easily bothered with the pressure of making good at this exercise.

We’re on the final stretch. Clutch time as you may, but I really can’t feel that I need to drastically step up or improve on anything for now. I’m learning everything that I need to know, acquiring the knowledge and skills that I should have once I’m back in Manila and more – much more. It’s just that, believe it or not, but I’m having a FUN training.

Indifferent and hostile trainers, strict, military disciplines being imposed, impossibly unattainable standard metrics and testssss and quizzessss – I had anticipated all these but I was wrong.

Our trainers were anything but indifferent, who would go out of their way to extend the knowledge to us, ‘students’. At times, they will sit with us as we do the practices and hands-on training. As training days go by, so is the level of intimidation and our confidence in them improved, and continuously improving, in reversed proportions.

They would painstakingly decipher our questions in ‘Filipino English’ (pronunciation and sometimes grammar related) and try as much to understand what we’re trying to get across. It’s a surprise for me to find out that they are not as critical and conscious of grammar usage as some self-proclaimed, Filipino walking-thesauri that I know.

I know that it wouldn’t hurt to have flawless, commendable English language skills but it’s just so funny that to some Filipinos, your grammar flaws are such a big deal when in fact, Americans are not so crazy with it.

Anyways…

Our classes almost always start with icebreakers and parlor games which is really a brilliant idea of our trainers. It's nothing like feeling a child (without a care in the world) once again. There might be some psychology behind it but it’s definitely working. Personally, I had never been more attentive and excited to go to class in my life until now.

And about our quizzessss, nothing grand about it, let’s just say that on the average, I’ve exceeded expectations even my own. (Mind you, I really have high expectations with myself *wink*)

It’s hard to complain, right? But I feel like my potentials are not being maximized. I wanna push my boundaries even further. I want pressure. Just where are these damn head aching pressures when I needed them most. Give me pressure; I’m dead sure I want it. I want it NOW! Before more than one month of no-sex gets the better of me.