April came and went by without me updating my blog. I tried many times to update this page but work seems to be taking much of my time recently. And sometimes blogging seems far too trivial compared to other things that I have to do or planning on accomplishing.

A lot actually happened the past month, career and relationship-wise.

The team went live* last April 1st. After three months of intensive parallel production with our Houston counterparts, the process became ours last month. Our team was the only one out of the October batch that was able to go live on target date.

April was also the month when we've had our fifth-month performance evaluation. I got very good feedbacks from my supervisor and a couple of Houston liaisons I'm directly reporting with. As expected, the department manager recommended me for regularization. As impressive as my performance was during my probationary period with the company, I really see no big deal with this development.

I am much more concerned with the next evaluation after six months in time for the annual merit increase given by the centre. If they think my performance during the last six-month is commendable, I say they better expect bigger things from me. Especially now that I'm beginning to understand what 'being proactive' really means.

I may be having a fulfilling career life but I can’t say the same with regards to my personal life.

I saw the end of a three-month relationship with a (now) former boyfriend. Probably the most serious one I had by far. The guy is extremely nice and understanding. He was so nice that sometimes even when I'm obviously at fault, he would give way to my impossible demands. I was genuinely happy and content with him for a time but I realized that I'm falling out of love, the same time that I noticed he's giving me much more space than I needed.

I guess trust is really that important. And the lack of it cost the short-lived relationship. I can't blame him when he suddenly gone cold with me. I’d rather not say what happened in detail (yet) but I was the one who breach that trust and we both had to pay for it in the end.

Lately, I’d been seeing a lot of this guy I met thru the net. Let’s just say that we both did not expect that sparks would fly between us but it did. We had probably taken things too fast than we ought to be. In less than a week of knowing each other, we agreed to slow things down a bit.

I’m not really used to not getting what I want at my own pace but difficult as it is for me, I promised the guy that I’ll wait until he’s ready. I’d been so honest and transparent to him that he already knew of my past (failed) relationships.

He told me that the only thing that’s holding him back is my (unimpressive) track record in the relationship department. That if I ever wanted to hook up with him, he has to see my sincerity. And prove to him that I can change for the better. I got his point, and I think he’s right.

Why is it that when you are really ready to change your ways and decide to be a better person, the past will haunt you back? I don’t like playing games anymore but I don’t want waiting games either.

*go live – migration of process (and responsibilities) from off-shore business units (Houston) to outsourced shared services centres (Manila)