What I only want is happiness. To love and be loved in return – but like everything else, happiness comes with a price.


The complicated life that I led – is now demanding full payment. One by one, ghosts of past lies, deceptions and manipulations are slowly haunting my existence. Truth be told, I am guilty – and willing to pay the price of all the blunders I did. My only desire is that I wouldn’t be shortchanged in this perpetual gamble. But I sense that life thinks that it is too much for me to ask.


Much as I want to, I realized that now’s not the best time to be apathetic - but rather a time for thorough introspect and to bargain one’s self to the law of karma. What goes around comes around – I just wish life to be less sadistic.


It seemed that all events happened [and are still happening] at the wrong time. It’s either too early and/or too late. Just when is the perfect time – I guess only TIME can tell. What’s more fucked up is that time won’t give me some luxury of its own.


Still impending as I speak – I have to face the music - real soon. I dare not think of the repercussions of what I’m about to do – yet. God knows I did not intend to hurt anyone. I may be mean, harsh and manipulative most of the times but resorting to overkill has never been [and will never be] my style.


What I also want is a fresh start - without pretenses and deceptions. Minus the bitterness and being jaded. Now that I'm about open a new chapter of my life – I’m saying good-bye to the old Complicated Dude. Skeptics can laugh but I really want to change.


I know it's hard work and living a changed [and better] life is not an easy task either. I hope that by at least trying my best – I had conquered half of this seemingly impossible battle.


I sometimes wish my life [and me] were not as complicated. Now is one of those times.