continuation...


Things happened sooner, maybe too soon, than I expected.


I have been talking to CX, the guy from my last post, these past few days. After our exchanges in G4M, we elevated the status of our correspondence on the phone and thru SMS.


I would call him in the afternoons during my lunch break and before I call it a day at the office. We would exchange flirty and sometimes naughty messages and would refer to each other as Baby and Daddy. All had made me looking forward to finally meeting him in person. We initially agreed to meet this coming Saturday.


But that meet – up’s not going to happen.


After I published my last entry yesterday, he called me in the office and invited me to go with him at this party. I agreed to meet him that night but I said that I can only drop him to the place and that I had to leave soon because I have work the following morning. He really wanted me to come but as my schedule won’t permit, we decided to just meet for dinner. Persistent that he is, he said he would try to persuade me ‘til I say YES. I can only smile at the thought of him pursuing me like that.


After dinner, he asked if I’m willing to go with him at the party, to which I said NO. I told him that I prefer us to watch a movie instead and even joked that I don’t like the idea of him surrounded with a lot of hot guys. That might have flattered him that the party was never heard of after that.


Since we started late with dinner, we only got to buy tickets for the last full show which is still a good two hours away from the time we decided to watch a suspense/horror flick, The Descent. The lead-time we still have was spent playing arcade games at Timezone and coffee at the adjacent Starbucks after.


He confessed that the first date he ever had was in that same coffee haven, in that same mall. That led to discussions about his relationships, my so-called relationships, dating, sex, gay guys, and Malate. I can’t believe that I’m talking to an 18-year old. Just as we’re starting to get a head start at our conversation, it was time for us to check the movie out.


Since we’re watching a horror movie, we’re practically all over each other the whole time. Little did he know that I’m not paying the movie any attention coz I contented myself to watching him instead. He was so absorbed at the movie that I had the grandest time feasting my eyes on the profile that’s in front of me. Too bad it’s only a two-hour one.


He complained that the movie’s numerous gory and scary scenes stressed him out. I suggested that we have another round of coffee or down a bottle or two of beer before calling it a night but he had other things in mind.


I can’t believe it! That was the first time that I didn’t get to bring my date to bed with me. He’s bringing me to bed with him.


But I’m not complaining. Even though I only have two hours of sleep today, that my eye bags are more prominent than ever, that I had to cook up some bizarre excuse just so my mother won’t bug me for coming home late.


It was all worth it.


Honestly, reliving what happened yesterday scares me. I had a great time with him and it has been ages since I felt as blissful as last night. I’m trying to suppress the doubts and apprehensions but I just can’t help it. It’s just too soon, too fast.


What’s the cure for paranoia, I ask?

“i nid a lover ryt now.. some whos for a serious and monogamous relationship.. a relationship that will fullfill its purpose and give essence to its true and deeper meaning. i really nid someone wholl love and who will not hurt me.. im so freakin fed up. they hurt me so muchhhhh,,..,,,,, pls... if ur goin to hurt me.. just inform me before hand.. so that i may not waste any moment wid you.. if ull hate me.. thenn i deserve somone better...”


While browsing thru hundreds of guys’ profiles at G4M, this one profile blah had me re-reading its content. Instead of being discouraged by it's seemingly SMS-like spellings and over-usage of punctuations, the raw emotions encapsulated in the passage above struck a chord in me that I immediately messaged the owner of that account.


25 Sep 2005, 21:22
Me: dude, im also looking for a serious relationship like you. maybe we can try, marlon here.


25 Sep 2005, 22:12
Him: hi.. well why not.. im (name withheld). btw. 18.b.pque... well i just hope that age is not a problem with you.. here's my number if u wanna.. 0921******* and may i ask for ur password pls.. thnx


25 Sep 2005, 22:46
Me: let's do away with the password, honey. for now, i mean.

the pic behind it is of no importance, really.

btw, got my sms already?


25 Sep 2005, 22:53
Him: honey??? geez... ur bit faster.. haha. well anyway.. im leavin i still have a class. well what if ur honey insisted for the password.. what would you do.. ???


25 Sep 2005, 22:56
Me: i have no other option but to give in, i guess.... just dont take it too seriously, ok?

private password attached: ********


25 Sep 2005, 22:58
Him: cool


25 Sep 2005, 23:01
Me: ei, kailan ka ba free? i want to meet u soon. 0917*******


I asked myself if I’m really ready for a serious relationship. Though I really can't tell at the time why I had to say that I wanted it, too. I guess I’m in my usual “mambobola” mode.


I was instantly attracted to him physically, yes. But what worried me and had me re-evaluating my intentions for him is his age. I mean, can an 18-year old guy change Complicated Dude?


I have had hell-ish and forgettable encounters with below 20’s guys and it came to a point when I had to discourage guys younger than me. But the older guys I’m meeting lately are just too hard to please and those guys belonging in my age bracket are just in it for sex. As one friend had said:


“He’s a G4M guy, what do you expect?”


I had to agree on that; I myself is constantly spending hours on end looking for desirable and available bottoms that can satisfy my carnal needs. And for more than a couple of times already that I had to travel out of Manila just to meet and hook up with these guys.


Something’s telling me not to pursue this guy, to spare this kid the hurt and all the drama of living an alternative (gay) lifestyle. Is it my conscience, perhaps?


One thing I know for sure, though. Rather than to wallow and think of all the possible what-ifs and could-have-beens, I know I won’t rest til I find out for myself.


He SMSed me that same night and gave his house number. The first of the many telephone lines-burning conversations we’re going to have.


to be continued...

I swear I will stop blogging hadn’t things turn out the way they did.


**************************************************

I made a very unconventional and unpopular career move early part of August. I resigned without the guarantee of a new job once the 30 days turnover period elapsed. I had no ready-made contingency plan/s.


Few had supported this move but most were quite disappointed of the decision I just made. Well, I admit that its really careless and unthinkable at the time my fed up mind and negative attitude towards work reached its saturation point. Many had asked:


"What the hell are you thinking?!"


Yeah. What the hell I was thinking then?


I really don't know. I just wanted out and can't wait for another employer to salvage me from my current situation. I became very frustrated and disappointed with the current rate my career is going that I decided to quit. Besides, two years of continued tenure in my opinion is good enough reason for prospective employers to take me in. I realized later that it wasn’t that simple jumping ships.


Some unexpected events happened after I resigned. My current employer gave me a counter offer. A better and more competitive package and more challenging and fulfilling job - to be the company's financial analyst. Outside opportunities started coming in as well that I had a hard time deciding which to accommodate first.


One good thing though of tendering my premature resignation is that I was able to commit myself to these interviews without the guilt and the need to come up with a grand excuse for being on leave.


With various options to choose from, I was able to play my cards well. And these prospects came after I made that hasty decision.


I was offered an auditor position but had to reject it because of inaccessibility. Much as I want to venture into this field, I’d rather not travel all the way to Alabang just for that. Another offer was an analyst position from a company based in 6750, but I really cannot accept their unreasonably low offer.


Amidst the number of opportunities available, I had my eyes set on this one particular job. I rejected other lucrative and good offers in anticipation of getting this post. I wanted the job so bad that I had to prevent myself from blogging about it for fear that I might be jinxing or jeopardizing my chances of getting it.


For a while there, I was tempted to accept the counter offer and leave the company as soon as I managed to seal a better contract outside. As one of my blogger friends said, it was very calculating on my part.


True.


But I eventually dismissed the idea when I felt that it was very unprofessional and scheming on my part to do such. I know it would be really unfair for my current employer if I resigned after being given a better position just because I was able to seal a deal to with a better company.


While it is true that nobody is indispensable, that the company couldn't care less whether I live or die of work-induced boredom, still, having a job for two years is something that I should be really thankful for to my soon-to-be ex-employer.


I’m still amazed how I managed to stay that long, though. I normally job-hop after a year of work. And me spending two years with them is really saying something.


Am I exercising some (or a little) maturity already? Am I ready to take bigger and more serious responsibilities? I really hope I am.


Anyways, I got the job that I sooooooooo wanted! (I’m blogging again, right?)


I will be getting twice as much as what I’m currently receiving but with lesser tax to pay because for the first time in my entire career I have non-taxable, guaranteed monthly allowances. Also, I will be working on a night shift, which suits me just fine because I’m not really a morning person. Did I just say night differential? (And no, I won't be working in a call center.) And I got to work in one of the posh buildings in Ayala, the only sad part is that I will be leaving a lot of friends here in Ortigas behind.:-(


But the most exciting part of transferring job this time is that I will be sent to the states by November for the training, which most probably will extend beyond the yuletide season and until March 2006.


It will be white Christmas for me this year! Can't wait, hehehe! :-)

Thanks JoMS for forcing me to update this page, hehehe!Ü


7 things you enjoy doing even/especially when there's no one around you: smoke; daydream; imitate Harry Potter's casts' accents; admire myself in front of the mirror; tinker with my cellphone; mess up my room; and pluck my brows.


7 things that lower your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level: smoke; drink a bottle or two of san mig light; long shower; talk to a friend; write some poetry or draft for a blog; listen to Tori Amos’ “A Sorta Fairytale” over and over and over again; and get laid.


7 things that scare you: rodents; scary and believable movies, documentaries and shows; earthquakes; losing my memories (Alzheimer’s); witness a murder; performing in front of a crowd; and commitment.


7 things you like the most: chubby guys; engaging conversations; anything Harry Potter; my perpetually messy and chaotic room and closets (I wouldn’t want it any other way); intimate, romantic kissing; dirty talks; and my freedom.


7 important things in your bedroom: bed; pillowsssss; reading stuff (Potters, FHM, Icon, Archie’s, Sweet Valley books); ashtray collection; charger; cork board; and my very own Pandora’s box.


7 random facts about you: I’m the only son and only guy in the household; I stopped eating pork and beef two years ago; I don’t drink coffee; I am a CPA; I hate strenuous physical activities (lazy); I shaved my legs twice in this lifetime; and I think I’m not really gay.


7 things you plan to do before you die: have my tongue pierced; spend a weekend get-away at Batanes; have my own 15 minutes of fame; participate in an orgy; earn my first million; have a kid of my own; and travel on a cruise, hehehe!


7 things you can do: (I will leave this blank coz there's an awful lot more that I can do, hehehe!)


7 things you can't do: finish this list!


7 things you say the most: fuck; tang-ina; ano na; deadma na; ok lang; sure; wala lang.


7 people that you want to take this quiz: All my friends and bloggers, hehehe!


I'll make a decent entry soon, guys. Bear with me for a while.