I stumbled upon this one below from an e-mail in one of my yahoo! groups account. Something up to this day I am still pondering which one represents a more accurate definition/observation of the fairer sex.

1. Woman - without her man, is nothing; and

2. Woman - without her, man is nothing.

My vote is somewhat leaning towards the second one not that I'm a man-hater (me, man-hater?) or something like that. It's just that there are more female achievers in my family than us (?) males. As one quote stated that 'Behind every great man, is a woman!'.

This is what I think, though. And I am pretty sure not most would agree.

...how a simple SMS can either change or dictate your moods for the rest of the day or for the night as with my case yesterday.

I was completely fine and just waiting for elusive sleep to take over me when my cellphone beep with this message from Julius:

"Gud pm. I cant resist 2 say how is my babes?"

It was the start. An exchange of messages [sweet nothings] ensued which culminated to me calling him to say goodnight. I was quite elated by this and emotions inside started to stir a little bit.

All the I love you's and I miss you's left me feeling like fifteen again, a high school teenager going through the ligawan stage. Kinikilig ako! Sobra! How sweet can Julius be?

It would have been an ordinary mobile correspondence had I don't have feelings for this guy. Truth be told, I was kinda expecting him to text me but not really counting on it. I am pretty cautious right now not to let my feelings show too much and lay all my cards down for him.

So far, I had managed to just reply to his messages. The few times I did initiate a text conversation is by sending him saved messages - avoiding not to send "Hi! How r u! Gud morning!" type of messages so as it may not sound as though I'm fishing for a longer conversation.

I am extra, extra careful this time not to let myself too deep for fear that I will regret it [hopefully not] when this relationship doesn't work out. I just hope that my quavering voice doesn't give away too much of my suppressed emotions and how I was a little excited talking to him that he will later realize how much I'm missing him.

I want this relationship to work but something's telling me that it will not. Is it my conscience? My old, bitter, complicated self getting the better of me? Again? Don't wanna think about it just yet.

I was really ecstatic when I read his first message, but why is it that all of a sudden that I felt so vulnerable? Paranoid? And so pessimistic?

It's funny how a simple SMS can change or dictate your moods. And this non - sense post is it's result.

Can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on with this fucking site?

I had planned on updating my profile this afternoon and what did I see on my page?

I only have one (1) friend!

Friendster is going down the drain!

I'm blogging again.

Again - because I almost thought of giving this up altogether when Jim and I broke up. Stuck would have been my penultimate post that I wanted to appear on this page - the last one a sort of farewell post to all those that had bothered to read what I'm saying all these times.

But the supposed-to-be-last post doesn't sound quite right. It even morbidly sounded like a suicide note that I had to delete it. And knowing perfectly well that I may not able to stick with the decision to quit blogging anyways.

I had to move on. I should. I wanted to leave everything that reminds me of him behind - blog included. So much has been said and written about him in my blogs that my drafts always end up mentioning and/or talking about him.

I don't wanna talk about him anymore, don't wanna write about him either. But I realized I'm doing just the opposite right now. Guess I have to live with that for a while.

Well, I can't help it really. You might think that I am still bitter about what happened, but I'm not. I mean, I hope I'm not.

See, I lost interest in blogging when we broke up. I was too pre-occupied with coping up and recovery that thinking of the next post to publish is the last thing on my mind.

But what made me write again?

I'm happy, as simple as that. And yes, there's a new guy in my life right now. I don't wanna say that I'm in love [I'm not exactly sure if I am] or whatever but I have an entirely different view of things right now. I wanna do things rationally this time - not out of spite and not without thinking twice - letting fate and destiny takes me where it intended me to be. Will it be a happy ending for me this time?

Only time can tell...

For now, life - and blogging - goes on!

My bestfriend, Cecille, once told me that the best way to forget an ex is to find a replacement. Convenient and will divert your musings and hang - ups over a failed relationship. Though getting over an ex - lover when entering a love-on-the-rebound relationship is not assured - it is better than sulking over one that should be better left as a lesson, chargeable to experience.

Honestly, I was not so keen on this idea when I broke up with Jim. Coping up proved to be harder than I imagined it to be. I am flirting with guys, yes, and an awful lot of them - but will distance myself when I feel that I or the guys I'm playing around with is getting too close for comfort.

But I guess there's always an exception...

Julius is four years my senior, but looks younger than his age. Having a penchant for chubby, baby - faced guys, I was instantly attracted to him. I was surprised to find myself pursuing him more than I ought to but thankfully, luck was on my side. He feels the same way.

I was rather hesitant at first to open up, but I later realized that I'm unknowingly and somewhat unconsciously pouring my heart out for him. I can't figure out what's going on. I am just dead sure that I never felt that happy for a while.

I think I am beginning to fall for him. I just can't help it. He's sweet, who has no qualms holding my hand even in public. Who says yes to my every whim. He would even kiss me goodbye if I asked.

Sounds like the perfect guy, huh? Yeah, but there's one minor thing about him I wish I hadn't known.

He's a seminarian.

But I guess this time, it is - and for good.

A very rough, roller coaster, two year ride it has been since he came into my life. A relationship doomed from the very start. I tried to run away from it all, when I suddenly found myself falling for him. I did not respond to his pursuits, tried as much as I can to avoid him. He did quit. The last thing I would’ve wanted happen – I was already in love.

I acted on that love, when the only logical thing to do is to let go. Now, the tables were turned. I’m now the one pursuing him. He took advantage of a willing prey – who is very much aware of the heartache looming just across the horizon. And sure, it did. It ended much to my dismay. I was hurt, heart broken and left alone in the cold alley of love avenue. I was never the same since.

Fate played its dirtiest trick on me July of this year. Our paths crossed, once again. We continued on an unfinished business, started where we left of. It is definitely sweeter this time around. Though I managed to stay as unattached as I can, I can’t seem to say no to him – and my heart’s desires. Good thing I had some distractions, preventing me for getting too close to him for comfort. I managed – until now.

Of the uncertainty of our set up, I wanted to make it clear. Black or white. Yes or no. No in-betweens, just extremes. He told me that I really don’t mean anything to him. I am just another fling, ka-ONS. FUBU. Sex partner.

I somehow anticipated this, but it still hurts like anything that I can’t tell. Surprisingly, I did not cry. Guess I was too pissed off to. I just retaliated by saying he’s not at all different for me either. That all I wanted was his body – and the satisfaction it gives me. Wrong words to say, he even seemed proud of it. Son of a bitch!

Once it sunk in, I realized what a waste those times had been. I thought that he’d changed. I thought that we’re more mature now. I thought that we could make something more meaningful and deep out of our so – called relationship. I thought wrong.

And now its over, I had to say goodbye to the only guy I can say I truly love. And time has come…

For me to cry.