Patience has never been my friend. I always believed that if you really want something, you'll just go for it right there and then. No questions asked, no buts and ifs, no waiting necessary. Until now...


When I met WB, I thought that it will turn up just like the others. I will date my partner for the day; plot my moves until execution, and finally bringing him to bed with me. Sure, WB and I ended up in bed on the first date. But what surprised me in spite of myself is that I can't seem to detach myself after the deed was done, which normally is no Complicated Dude.


Before we parted ways, we agreed to hook up again a week after. But it seems like I was genuinely smitten by WB and can't wait for to have him again. Only a day after that first date, I missed him already.


Of course, WB won't believe that I do miss him. He even said that whatever feelings I have is triggered only by what's between my legs. Although there's some truth to that, I'm beginning to feel much, much deeper feelings towards him. I had to see him again to find out what's really in it for me and at the same time confirm if what I feel is just lust or something other than what my testosterones dictate.


The succeeding times we did it, I knew I was in for something serious. I have said a couple of times here that I am in love. Though most of my friends are skeptical, I really can’t blame them for I myself have denounced this thing called love many times before.


I told WB that I love him. Ever heard that line from a song? “And then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…” I knew that I had spoiled everything but I can’t help myself not to say it. I will burst if I don’t.


But far from getting a favorable response, WB told me he’s not yet ready to commit. That he has to prioritize his review for the board this August. Only then that he can decide. Though he assured me that he also got serious feelings for me, he told me to wait if I really am in love with him. I just had to be contented with this ‘love without commitment’ as what he said.


I know waiting for the time that he will be ready is the right thing to do, under the circumstances. I don’t want to get in the way of him passing the board and achieving his dream of becoming a doctor. I just had to be contented that I am able to talk to him everyday. Much as I want to see him, I can’t because he’s distracted everytime I’m around.


I got to talk to his bestfriend, MK, and he told me to give WB some space first. I just realized that I might be taking much of WB’s time for his review knowing that he's way behind his readings as he told me quite a number of times. I was so absorbed about my own feelings that I did not realize that I am compromising some important stuff at WB’s end. MK said that if I can help it, I should try not to call, text [or bug] WB for at least one week and let WB miss me. I just hope it works.


So here I am, waiting for that time until WB decides that he can finally open up and let me in – in his life and in his heart. I'm giving him that space and waiting. If that's the only thing to prove my intentions, I'm willing to take the risk. I just hope that I am doing the right thing.

This is Jay's fault, hehehe! Thanks for these survey/questionnaire, dude Wasteland!


Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
3 harry potter films, my sister is the one who usually splurge on these...


The last film I bought:
Predictably Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


The last film I watched:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith


Films that I watch a lot or mean a lot to me:
1. The Count of Monte Cristo
2. Moulin Rouge
3. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
4. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
5. Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban
(I almost included some BelAmi and Falcon Studios here!)

Five people I'm passing this to:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.

Forgive me for almost [free] advertising Harry Potter here eventhough book six will be out in less than a month. Harry Potter fanatics, get your copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince come July 16. (Almost daw?)


And you five, don't let Complicated Dude down, ayt?

I woke up with your arms around me and I instinctively wrapped mine around you. Looking at your face, I could see the smile that has since captivated my heart. Fighting the urge to kiss you, I contented myself to just stare at your profile. You are such a temptation! I could’ve give in to my longing, but your peaceful aura suggests that you’re having the time of your life in Dreamland. I can only wish that I’m with you. You must be really exhausted and tired after what happened last night.


Ah yes. Last night…

*********************************************

It was four days after the last time that we’re together. But to me, it felt more like four years of not seeing you. You tried to calm me down and to take a breather. Oh, how I missed you! I can’t take any more interference to be with you and to kiss you. And kiss you, I did. And it took me to places I’ve never been before. If I had known that such place exists, I’ll be kissing you forever.


But you had other plans. And who am I to stop you if I knew very well that I’ll be benefited as well by these (devious) plans of yours?


I let you be in charge. As you slowly and methodically explored every inch of my skin, you take with you every bit of sanity I had. You make me crazy! At the same time making me want more. Your strokes are quite exquisite that I let your hands do the talking. I can’t help but to whimper. Your caresses sent chills running down my spine and blood through my veins. And surely you made every nerve of my body alive, especially my centered being. You might have sensed it and you obliged to my silent request. But I forgot that you can be such a tease as well. I almost thought that you will stop, but you just made me anticipate for better things to come. You didn’t give me much time though. I’m still savoring the sinfully irresistible foreplay you just performed when you were there having the time of your life and giving me mine as well. I decided to end it for your benefit. For waking up the caveman in me, you deserve some punishment.


But you are one captive I can (and will) never hurt. It might be too soon for you but I had to take matters in my own hands now. You know I needed to be on top of things – literally and figuratively.


I instantly made my way inside you. The initial hurt you felt almost made me contemplate about taking things further. My concern for you was much, much more than my own satisfaction. You said that you can manage and I should continue what I had started. You even joked that the hurt is nothing compared to the joy the whole experience can bring.


It sure made me laugh but instead of being distracted, my momentum picked up two notches higher from where I left off. As I now slowly inching my way inside you for the second time, I can now feel your responses. And it made me feel good – about our bodies, about us. I am definite that our bodies were made for each other just like as our soul are destined to be mates.


My initial plan was to take things slowly. I want to savor every moment, every rhythm, and every movement. But the whole experience of owning you certainly beat me to it. I can only take things unhurriedly as far as my hormones can take. Moments later, I was taking it rather too fast and too furious. I was acting more like a caveman, alright? How delighted and horny I was seeing that you’re like it as well. You even encouraged me dirty talking to you while we’re making love. You certainly know how to please me.


And you pleased me three more times after that.


“You are so bad!” you accused with your seducing stare.


“That’s because you are so good.” I honestly answered.

*********************************************

The memory of our last conversation before we both drifted to slumber made me smile. I can’t take it anymore. I had to kiss you. At the same time you stirred and opened your eyes. Your first vision of the day put some smiles on your face. I wonder what that is. Now that you are aware of me, kissing you is the only thing left for me to do. When you kissed back, darling, I know I need not hear “Come and get me, baby” to make love to you one more time.

Love has been defined countless times before, each presented in the most profound and passionate ways, each unique in its own right but all the same nonetheless - the experience of loving and being loved in return.


To a jaded heart, these testimonials are but mere definitions. Fruitless attempts to put into words the most overrated and [over] abused intangible known to men. In this world where mistrust, self-centeredness and pessimism prevails, who could blame them?


But once these love-antagonists had their share of the one thing they loathed most, they fumble and fall. Their fortress made of stone suddenly vanishes into thin air. Their steel balls turn to cotton balls, their hard resolve to not to love are now just lies.


Their once "what's love got to do with it?" mantra is now replaced by "love is a many splendor thing" crap. Pathetic is not even enough to describe them. Fools? Jerks? Maybe. Maybe not. Four letter words are just too polite for them. They became the walking anomalies of love. And life. They got what they deserve, so you say.


And what's this all about?


I think I'm in love. God help me.

Today's got to be the most uneventful Friday I've ever had.


I am so looking forward going to work on Fridays. Aside from the fact that we got to be on our most comfortable casuals, the day spells to a lot of gimmicks for us fun deprived yuppies. The day is usually spent working half-heartedly while anticipating for 6:01 when one can finally shut down their computers, go out and be merry...


Now my blog is more public than I initially thought. That certain texts included are not for general consumption. I'll be transferring the content of my last entry to a new place for safekeeping, and if anyone's interested to read it's entirety just email me here, ok?


And no, it's nothing to do about the last guy I slept with. Ü

Had you ever felt torn between making a choice and not deciding to choose at all?


They say it’s just a matter of going for the one that will make you more comfortable, happier or the one that suits your personality better. I believed that, then. Never had it occurred to me that making a choice would be this difficult.


I lived a pretty normal life, complicated most of the times but I can honestly say that I learned to cope with my life’s complexities just fine. I am living life on the fast lane, pausing just once in a while when things get too tiring or boring. Yes, an adventurous and happy-go-lucky life can be such a bore sometimes. You wouldn’t want it either when things suddenly becomes predictably unpredictable.


But trust life to screw it all for you when you thought you got it all figured out. That things suddenly spring on you out of nowhere you never saw it coming. Before, just thinking of it as a possibility makes you cringe. You convince your already convinced self that it will never happen.


But once it does, you’ll never be the same again. What’s more fucked – up is that you actually liked it. Or loved every moment of it, you never thought that such bliss do exist. The thing you detested most before, is now consuming your entire being.


You asked yourself what went wrong. Or where have you been all those times because you could’ve found out about it early on. You try to analyze your innermost thoughts, feelings and fears – as much as your confused heart and mind can fathom. But expectedly, you fail. Instead of shedding some light to your dilemma, you are left with more questions than answers, more doubts than certainties.


You don’t want to choose either one. You can’t have both either. Having the best of both worlds is just plain selfishness. You know that you can’t go living your life not knowing what you really wanted. What’s more frustrating is that you needed both - you WANTED both. And the only convenient, if not logical, thing you think you should do is this. You say:


“I need not choose, for now.”